Office politics bible: 100+ tricks used in corpora

Content

2007-10-19T09:52:00.001-07:00

Content
Introduction
Little psychology – The Mystery Method
Malicious – How to drive your target out of sight
Positive impression – Speed up the process of promotion
Communication – To prevent any disputes
When shit happens… - How to limit damage
How to avoid jobs – For slackers
Perfect phrase to reject request (or simply bullshits…)
Office pranks – Other than politics, office could be a playground
About the authur

About the author

2007-09-19T10:11:00.000-07:00

About the author

Tim graduated from HKU by 2006. He has been a young startup, a proprietary trader, and now he is working as MT in a leading professional audio manufacturer, serving accounts with annual revenue of over US$30M. With this solid working background, he is experienced in project management, business risk control and marketing strategy formulation.

In Oct 2005, Tim started the “Orangedays”, which is a daily summary of articles from all newspapers and magazines in HK, and a selection of interesting, business-related articles from world famous magazines like Forbes, Fast Company and Business 2.0 etc. Up to now, the website has generated 140,000 visits from around the world, with about 200 daily unique visitors.

He is a book slut and true go-getter, he has finished 39 books in 2007, and in total 174 books since Oct 2005, with an average of 80 books finished per year. Tim is interested in different genres, but especially interested in Entrepreneurship, Marketing and Investing.

Office politics bible: 100+ tricks used in corporate jungle is the first ebook by Tim, it composes of all the tricks either encountered, witnessed or tried in the office jungle.

Please visit http://orangedaysindex.blogspot.com/ or send me email at hku_tim@yahoo.com
for more information.

How to avoid jobs

2007-08-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

How to avoid jobs

For slackers to maximize the pay-scale, one should try to work less.

Transfer it to other parties

Use call you / get back to you later strategy

Allege to arrange meeting for discussion, but fails to attend when the time comes

Claims conflict of schedules, or whatever reasons

Pretend to be serious in the matter, and held a committee for serious discussion

The committee contains all the parties, involve as many parties as possible
The chance of gathering all people would be more difficult than completing the job
After the committee passed the decision, conjure up some reasons that there may be conflict of interests / biased opinions, and call for committee restructuring
This could give slackers plenty of time

Raise out that you lack of resource, either avoid the jobs or increase your power, both will benefit you at a result

Do the job partially or provide irrelevant results, claiming that your counterpart do not provide enough information / clear objectives

Even after clarification, still provide repeated wrong results, letting your counterparts to drop of idea of getting you involved

Claims that there are another priority project in the moment, and get back to your counterpart after that

Claims that other parties are the bottle neck, you don’t have sufficient information / resource to complete the job

Claims that there are a major (but unknown) problems in the meantime

Ask back your counterparts to provide / finish an insurmountable task that they owe you before you take any action

Always ask for more information and clarification

Office pranks

2007-07-19T10:11:00.000-07:00

Office pranks – Other than politics, office could be a playground

It would be also stimulating to see oversea pranks, truly funny!

Advertise a colleague's job as available. Leave their number with extension for contact. Be sure it is well paying and with low qualifications.

Place a small Post-it note with the words “April Fools” written on it underneath co-worker’s mouse

Hit print screen and save the image in say Paint. Then set this as the desktop, and hide start menu. They will see the start menu, but it won't work.

Visit a few websites that you know they use (which require logins). Type in a different (funny) login and when it asks if you want to save it click yes. So next time they go to google for example and try to login it will have the username "ILoveEugeneLevy" or something like that as the default.

Change the caller ID on a co-worker's phone to read Mr. Kitten every time he calls someone.

Sneak onto someone else's computer and send out an "I love you" email to the entire office.

Pull the shelves out of the break room refrigerator, hide inside and jump out at co-workers as they open the door.

Turn all the clocks in the office one hour back to make the work day seem longer.

Place fake rubber chocolates in the break room and watch as co- workers try to chew them.

Calendar replaced with a different year

When shit happens...

2007-06-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

When shit happens… - How to limit damage

The Murphy’s Law should look familiar: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong finally. Everyone knows that shit happens, but what to do then?

Ring the bell before shit happens, get management involvement in advance

Don’t think it would be annoying to inform management for every major decision made

Spins the problems, pretending it do not exist, so as to buy time to solve problems

When encounter insurmountable problems, pretended to be not knowing at all in the first place

Exaggerate the problems, and finish better, to control management’s expectation

Immediate distance yourselves to the problems, and claims that the problems should be responsible by a dispensable colleague

Transfer all the job duties to another guy, conjuring a company hero image to the victim if the problems is solved

Claims the data from customers, other departments or companies is wrong, problems arise should not because of your misjudgments or incapability

Claims IT system incompetence or instability

Need system updates for efficiency working

Claims that your team do not have enough budget or resources

This could turns threats into opportunities, dilute the problems, at the same time increase resources
A golden chance to put your friends into your team

Claims that your team is not the perfect one, thus need restructuring

This could help to remove colleagues you dislike

If the above won’t work, formulate false data to cover up the problem

Just leave the problem, but try hard to win triumphs in other tasks

Communication

2007-05-19T10:07:00.000-07:00

Communication – To prevent any disputes

Business communication needs skills. If it is not properly handled, disputes and difficulties easily happen. Good communication could also help to lubricant your working life.

Using the phrase “as per (management)’s request” would lubricate communication and increase efficiency in getting results

While not working, be super-friendly and have good temper towards colleagues, when problems happens, try to be super cool and professional, sometimes be super tough

Friendliness will help when problems happens
Once problems become more serious or urgent, unusual temper will provide a sense of urgency to your colleagues, to immediately help to solve the problems at priority

Use CC / BCC effectively

Don’t aimlessly CC all emails to supervisors; this could lower their attention towards your stuff.
CC emails to your supervisor when you observe the first sign of problem

Prevent getting approval without black and white copies, this could make you in a difficult situation when they deny

Make sure you have a good organizing system for important approval / confirmation, as black and white record could avoid disputes

When you received difficult phone complains, try to cut the line and wait for a while, then call back, it would effectively lower their emotion level

You could claim that there is an unknown technical problem
This could also buy you time to think of the solution
Also, this could buy time for explaining to your supervisor, then put him in the phone for explaining directly
They could also be used for video conference

Make your supervisor a friendly guy, all the dirty words should come out of your mouth when discussing with other parties

Don’t make any un-solicited promised with other parties

Encourage others to speak up to management for the problems that you are encountering, dedicate a “fall guy” to announce bad news

When you encounter un-cooperative colleagues, make sure their / your supervisor are notified in advance

Authority from your supervisor may help to speed up the process
Your supervisor will know that the bottle neck is not on your side
As your supervisor is being informed, officially he should be responsible if shit happens. In another way, he will pay more attention to ensure things go right

Positive impression

2007-04-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

Positive impression - Speed up the process of promotion

Assume all employees are of the same level of hard-work and competency, why some will be promoted and some are doomed? The reason is easy and clear, supervisors promote people they like.
There are tons of attitudes that make people adorable by supervisors, but the point is that you have to show them loudly, for them to observe your good points. Thus you should give them positive impression!

Send business emails during mid-nights or weekends, remember to CC your supervisor if you do so

Another version is to call your supervisor for urgent business matter during non-working hours

People usually have holiday sickness on every Monday; you should act to the contrary by being more energetic. The contrast could impress

If you could not finish tasks on time, remember to wear an ill-face on, this could make impression to your supervisor that you have put effort in the issue, also leave an early
warning to him that you may probably miss the schedule

If your cubicle is physically situated near your supervisor’s room

Try to strike your keyboard harder, no matter you are working or doing your own stuff
Try to speak louder / use speak phone when you encountered difficulties in tele-conference
For problems that you don’t want to talk directly to your supervisor, try to discuss loudly with your “next door”, and propose ideas that you think working
Praise loudly for whatever good attributes your supervisor having
After you completed any difficult tasks, or win any businesses, make sure you announce it to you “next door”, and loud enough for your supervisor to listen

Read professional business newspaper, magazines, journal or books on any open area café along the major routes to your company, this could make a good impression of eager learner /
go-getter to your supervisor, if they happens to see you

If your supervisor said you need to improve in certain area, for example business writing, make sure in the coming morning, on your desk there is a book with big title of “business writing”
on the cover. It could makes your supervisor think that you are eager to improve, no matter you will or will not read it at all

Buy and display any books recommended by or appears on your supervisor’s desktop, and discuss fortuitously on some trivial points, after reading the review / critics online

Remember all the jokes, give spontaneous, smart and funny remarks

Shoe polishing would be better in an indirect way

Observe the tiniest changes on your supervisor, for example, hair cut, ties, feeling, speaking style, and repeatedly told him that you could observe the change

After business trips or finished grueling tasks, repeatedly remind him for his effort

Make sure you are friends with your supervisor’s secretary, as they have on hand the latest news on the schedule, the feeling status, opinions on someone and the difficulties /
problems encountered recently

Pick up other’s ideas, but pretending the originality, but make sure that your supervisor will never know the source

Malicious

2007-03-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

Malicious – how to drive your target out of sight

All the tricks are aimed to remove your difficult co-worker (target) from your working environment, some tricks are applicable to any level targets, but most of them are assumed to be used by management-grade politicians

Setup “must-fail” traps

Place your target into a must-fail project, and let him die with it
Put your target to dying project that is going to fails soon
You could persuade him to take up this job, pretending this could be a major company-critical project, enhance CV/skills, golden chance for promotion if successful, etc
Remove progressively resources for supporting the project, make sure it would finally be dying
Add only dumb working-level colleagues for supporting

Setup dispensable project / position for your target to take up

Make sure to all colleagues in your company know that this project / position is of no practical use

Operational tricks

Coax false working objective to your target, making your target using all energy to pointless missions
Changing the working objective constantly, making your target using all energy into all things, but all tasks are only half done
Put a super cautious eyes on every problems, and exaggerate small problems as lethal to company, make sure management know it
Frequently hold internal auditing for competency and expenses, make an impression to your target’s supervisor that he is incapable and spend a lot which don’t worth it. A pseudo-scientific research could help to show the incompetence
Jump steps to communicate with your target’s working level colleagues, keep them out of the loops with all information
Email directly to their supervisor, without acknowledging them, keep him out of all discussions, debates and meetings
Not passing critical information, or passing false information to your target, making him to suffer from making bad decisions
Endure your target’s failed tasks, but make sure you keep record for it. Constantly revise and memorize, make sure all the data is on your mind, and quotable any time to their supervisor
A track record of failed tasks should be more lethal than individual failed item
Place your apprentices into your target’s teams, to steal all files of fail-able problems
Setup an cumbersome approval cycle for budget / projects and everything, ensure everything is not competitive because of the lead time
Set a impossible project schedule
Provide only bad options for your target to choose from, for the problems they are facing
Allege to provide full support and back up to your target for risky actions, but vanish once problems arise

Personal

Make false gossip of your target and circulate in company
Ban all suggestions from your target without proper logical reasons
Shout or make bad jokes at target constantly, making your target humiliated
Reject all holiday request on the last moments, no matter for what reason, place all important meeting on their holiday schedules
Put tons of unbearable work loads, to speed up your target’s burn out rate, at the same time, do not provide any reward or recognition
Place your target to remote / oversea office, or help him to change working place frequently

Fake job opportunities

Pretend to be a head-hunter or government agency, phone to your company’s HR department for reference check to your target
Ask your HR friend to send email for reference check to your target’s supervisor
Leave a fake CV copy of your target over the printer / photo-copier / scanner
Use your target’s computer to access to job hunting websites excessively, and leave hints to computer department to figure it out
Provide fake salary standard to your target, making him think he is underpaid

Help him to find a job in other department or
other companies

They will own you a credit if they are good at the job, at the same time, you could achieve your aim of removing him

Little psychology

2007-02-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

Little psychology – The Mystery Method

The Games, from Neil Strauss, bring to my attention to The Mystery Method, which is a seduction method first popularized by Erik Von Markovik, a.k.a "Mystery". I have not personally tried these tricks on babes, but it sounds to me quite applicable in dealing with office co-workers.

For details, you could refer to Mystery’s publication, but here is the essence:

To meet any girls in any occasion, you need to pass through 3 steps in order to get laid.

Step 1: Attraction – attract your target’s attention by demonstrating high value, and make her increasingly interested to you

Step 2: Comfort – Attempts to establish rapport, trust, connection and a sense of real and genuine interaction

Step 3: Seduction – Tricks that could physically escalate towards sex.

The steps could not be interchanged, and needed to be in sequence. Without attraction to build comfort, girls will think that you are just another guys looking for sex, nothing special. On the contrary, attraction without comfort won’t make you come to the seduction stage.

If you imagine seduction to be a metaphor as to make your co-workers work as you want, then the Mystery Method applies, and Attraction & Comfort would then be the lubricant for you to work out!

Introduction

2007-01-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

Introduction

This ebook is not intended to teach you tricks that could be used for manipulation; this survival guide is to expose all the tricks that you are going to face in the corporate jungle.

Prevent is better than cure, if you could get the first sign of warning before someone acting the tricks on you, your career path would be a lot smoother. If you could get someone’s pants down of applying the tricks, you may not able to remove him on sight immediately, but for sure you could minimize the interaction.

Perfect phrase to reject request

2006-12-19T18:43:00.000-08:00

Perfect phrase to reject request (or simply bullshiting…)

This could help you to avoid effectively for any complains of rejecting other’s requests, at the same
time could make it sound “nicer”. Mix-and-match the following phrases could help you to constructs a BS letter without any meaning. Perfect for politicians, right?

After management review…
Your request does not align with management’s objective / policy / vision / mission / value…
We have fought hard internally for your request, but…
Your request stirred up a heated debate within our group…
For (some reason), it makes us difficult to come in consensus within our group…
Due to conflict of schedule / objective / policy…
I am occupied by another important meeting / conference / road show / exhibition, thus…
It would be nice to have, but…
What our customer treasure most is…, but not…
The market support …, but not…
By (whatever) journal, it would only be sagacious to…
You are right to certain extends, but…
On such a controversial issue…
To balance the interests of all parties…
To maintain a balanced work load / situation /
risk…